So you failed. You opened this link because you felt like somehow in your life, you have taken the wrong path, said the wrong thing, and now you are paying for your decisions. So you clicked on this, because you want to know how to rise up from this crushing feeling of being a ZERO, a NOBODY, somebody who hasn’t accomplished anything. Not even a 2-minute-noodle cup.
How do you pick yourself up from the ground, when your ass has dropped so low you can feel the failure in between your front teeth?
How do you keep going when you feel like all the energy – all those sleepless nights, all that sweat pouring out of you body, your eyelids weighing in front of your computer screen – all of the hard work you have put into achieving something.. and all of it just didn’t work..out?
How do you take the first step after you literally feel like your legs have been numbed down, like you can’t take a step forward ever again?
HOW DO YOU FREE YOURSELF FROM THE FEAR OF FAILING?
FEEL YOUR PAIN
Failing is utter, raw pain. It’s like hitting a wall with your bare hands; it’s your heart sinking deep into your chest when you realise that things didn’t go well as you expected them to. How YOU expected them to.
It’s tears, breathless sighs and hands that itch at the desire of wanting to grasp this life and just shake it until something good comes out of it. Something that you need, something that makes you happy.
But the first step to release this fear is to FOCUS.
Focus on the pain that you feel after failing. Because the pain is necessary to let go of all your biggest fears, your darkest and deepest thoughts and self-doubts, so that they are not there to rot inside of your head anymore.
Consider staying with the pain like a complete detox; a way for your mind to reboot itself and release all the toxins that you have been seeding inside of it. I am not talking about a green cleanse, a mantra detox, I am talking about sprinting until you feel like your legs are about to die and sitting with that pain.
I am talking about screaming at the top of your lungs in front of the ocean, and sitting with that pain.
I am talking about writing down every single thought that comes to your mind, until you hands are shaking and your pen is piercing through the paper, and STILL sitting with that pain.
I am talking about sitting down, face-to-face and interview the fuck out of yourself until it’s just you and the pain of feeling like a complete failure.
PAIN IS MEDITATION. Pain is your chance to sit with the worst that has been locked inside of you. PAIN is a mirror to your deepest fears and it’s also a confirmation of your own self.
Pain tells you that, because you are in pain, you are fighting to be alive.
ANALYZE YOUR PAIN
You have sat down with your pain for a couple of hours, now it is time to fight it. You may be feeling like doing something stupid – like getting drunk at 12pm, or tell your boss to SHUT THE FUCK UP, or quit everything and hop on the first airplane.
Pain that isn’t properly felt and processed is like that kebab you ate at 2AM on your way back from the club – nah, not the best decision.
So now that you have felt your pain to the tip of your toes – fight it by analysing it.
Like a surgeon, dissect every single bit of it and ask questions to it: what can you do about the situation that you have failed to accomplish?
Obvious questions would arise to your mind and you have got to be aware of them, because some questions are not there to find answers, in fact they are only there to distract you from your failure.
Why am I in so much pain about this? (Probably because you have placed a lot of value on the thing you have failed at, but more importantly you are in pain because the way you are analysing the situation is FAILING to make you feel better).
Why does this always happen to me? (Because you keep seeing your life as a long straight line, when in fact it’s just like a toddler’s drawing on a wall. Messy, unexpected, raw and spontaneous. Your pain comes from your expectations on situations that you place value on. )
It is natural to ask these questions to yourself because they are a way to circumnavigate the problem and make sense to the mess that is surrounding your head. I could be done stressing out about this, or I could think over 200 more things to make myself even more miserable and anxious.
But know that these questions are not helping you to rise up. They just keep you comfortable on the cold ground. They just dig deeper in your ball of self-pitiness, low self-esteem and lack of motivation to rise the fuck up.
ASK THE RIGHT QUESTIONS TO YOURSELF
Because some questions are worse than others, at desperate times it’s important that you ask the right questions to yourself.
What is it that I need to improve to win?
What is it that I am doing wrong that it’s stopping me from achieving my goals?
What is it about the thing that I have failed that matters to me so much?
WHAT IS IT THAT I WANT SO BADLY?
AND WHY DO I WANT IT?
Ask yourself WHY do you want the things that you want, because what is the point of feeling like shit on your kitchen floor about something that you are not even sure that you want in the first place.
What is the point of wasting time with things that you don’t want and that you don’t need?
Knowing what’s the point and why it is the point helps you to overcome failure.
Once that you have let everything out, analyzed the dirty and the nasty of your pain, now it is time to fight.
It is time to fight failure like the warrior that you are. It’s not failure that kills you, it’s the way that you see failure.
But the only way to fight the enemy is to understand it, thus accept that it’s a threat to you. So you have got to accept it, because your fear of failure is threatening your achievements, your motivation to seek your goals.
Failing at something, no matter how painful, exhausting and unfair it can be, it is the greatest gift that you could possibly wish for your dreams.
Failing is a slap in the face that allows you to completely reinvent yourself. It gives you the opportunity to make you understand that you’re probably not as good as you think you are, or working as hard as you think you are, or being committed to your goals as disciplined as you think you are.
It’s tough to accept the fact that you know, you’re not that great.
But would you want to keep going the way that you’re going even at the cost of losing something – maybe your dreams themselves – just so that you can keep living into your own fantasy of being successful and constantly right and perfect at everything?
OR would you rather have an opportunity to know that you actually SUCK at something, that you actually need to re-evaluate yourself?
YOU NEED to choose failure. Because without failure, there is no improvement. There is no “fuck you, I am strong, I can do this”.
How do you think that you can keep walking on this Earth, without failing? How do you think that you could have learned how to walk and talk without stumbling and making absolutely no sense, if you hadn’t kept going? If you hadn’t kept trying?
So accept that you are human and as a human, you kind of suck at most of things, but some are more important than others, some can be learned, and others are just none of your business. But only if you accept it, you can understand this. Only if you let go of this fear of failure, you can rise above it.
Now you are ready. You have been through the pain of being rejected, ridiculed, ashamed and disheartened by the very simple act of failure. You have sat there in your pain, drowning in your own sorrows, and then you rose up.
You said to yourself “You know what? I am going to keep going”.
I am going to learn from this and keep walking towards the things that I want to achieve. No more excuses, no more “I am going to fail anyway”. No more “If I don’t get this, I am a failure”.
All it matters right now is you, your goal and the 24 hours you have got ahead of you to work on it.
You will want to stop and surrender to the comforting feeling that maybe there are other things that you can pursue, maybe you don’t need to try hard because life is all about being lucky and knowing the right people and having the right amount of money, right?
Maybe. But maybe you are also depriving yourself from the opportunity to actually work your ass off to the point that you will want to give up and cry and bleed, but you will keep going because this is the reason why you are alive. This is what you want to achieve and there is no BUTs, or IF ONLYs. It’s you and your goal and 24 hours. No today, no tomorrow.
Start right now and you failure is your starting point.