When you’re a kid you hold big dreams close to your heart. You dream of rocket ships, climbing mountains in Tibet and hearing the crowd screaming your name. You want to be successful, but above all, you want to do whatever excites you and holds your attention for more than a minute. But then doubts comes and the ship sails for good.
Then you grow up. School turns out to be all about marks, credits, college applications, internships, with a little or more side of personal teenage-drama. You used to lay on your bed and dream about brushing the moon dust with your fingertips, now you wish to touch the skin of somebody who makes you see the stars.
It’s inevitable; as we grow up we drift apart from our inner child. If this ghost from our childhood still haunts us when we don’t feel wanted, or we feel insecure about where we step our feet; we surely have lost the most important side of ourselves.
Our pure and genuine inability to see limits around our dreams.
Everything seems easier when you’re a child. Making friends, enjoying strange food, drawing on walls and reading weird novels. When you’re a child, Life is some kaleidoscope, everything is colourful, fast and you can’t grasp how it works, single out the colors in it, but you don’t really care cause it’s beautiful and you enjoy every single moment.
But childhood is not magic. We are not striving to do greatness when we’re children, only because childhood offers us some kind of magic portal.
No, we dream and we fly through our dreams and ambitions when we are children, because we believe in ourselves. We have absolutely no doubt that we can achieve what we have been set on for a mere of five years of life on a planet that we haven’t even discovered yet.
And As we grow older, life’s colours start to fade out. A huge cloud is approaching near us – every day getting a little bit closer to pouring rain all over us. We fear this cloud; we feel the weight of it bears. We stop enjoying the things we used to daydream about during our lunch breaks; we start looking for other paths – other easier and safer roads.
But it’s still there. Because see, the dream that you have always wanted to accomplish, or dedicated your life to will always be in your heart. You will carry it everywhere you go and it doesn’t matter if you get a full-time job that will fulfill you and keep you busy, or a relationship that will consume you.
This dream will be there, sitting and waiting for you.
What stops us then? Why on Earth do we feel so insecure and powerless when we think about the time we haven’t dedicated to our dreams?
It’s because we fully doubt on ourselves and our abilities.
We don’t believe in our power to make things happen and make them turn around for us. We believe that good things always happen to people who work hard, or cheat their system, so we just laze around the house scrolling through our feed, or keep working our asses off at jobs we absolutely don’t care about.
We don’t believe that we can do it. And I am going to tell you straight up, if you don’t believe that you can achieve and work towards what you believe in, then you won’t. It’s not just law of attraction, but it’s pure and simple logic: it’s only if you believe that you can jump high enough to not fall down a black hole that you can do it.
How to Stop Doubting on Yourself
Change the conversation.
Like I said before, confidence in yourself is a matter of conversing with your inner child. Your inner child knows that you can do it, because the dream is their first priority. They don’t care about how tough it is, or how much money it’s going to take, or how much time you’re going to waste. A child doesn’t know, because a child follows their gut and takes a leap-of-faith that nothing will get in the way to achieve the impossible.
I am not saying that you have to take the first chance you get to do something stupid, just because your inner child told you so. You are an adult after all and you have certain responsibilities, like being safe and sound and not hurting others in any direct or indirect way.
However, you have gotta grab a seat and do this talk to your inner child.
Ask yourself: what were the things that get me more passionate, and why did I stop believing in them?
Identify what you do when you stop yourself from achieving your goals. Practice self-awareness and inspire others to follow you down that path.
Ditch The Negativity
You’re doubting on yourself because you feel like your skills, your ideas and your dreams will never level up.
You look at the world outside and everything just seems so much greener, isn’t it?
People rushing to jobs, celebrities smiling and cashing in on your Instagram, ordinary people like you making it on social media. And then you get up in front of the mirror and you look at yourself, like really look at yourself and the thoughts start in your head.
Why can’t I be like them?
How am I going to write that book, when there are so many other better books than the one I haven’t written yet?
How can I think that someone like ME is able to accomplish that much?
And my personal favourite. Maybe I should just go back to do whatever I was doing.
It’s healthy and beneficial to challenge the way you see yourself and your actions, but there is a thin line between practicing self-awareness and sabotaging yourself.
We live in a society where commiserating yourself and making yourself smaller in front of others is certainly rewarded. We clip the wings of those who try to fly away with their ego, we always remind Kanye West of how less self-obsessed he should be, we shrug and almost act disgusted when somebody is fearless and upfront about their views and ideas.
And it’s not just because we are insecure and sad, but it’s mainly because deep down inside we are scared.
We are utterly terrified of falling on our asses in the name of something that is just an idea inside our heads.
We point the finger and laugh at those who are proud to boast about what they aspire to do with their lives. They may be going for a different career move, or going solo, or breaking up with their boyfriend. Either way, there is always some asshole who will stop you, look you in the eyes and be like “oh my god, are you serious?”.
And even that it’s because we are all way too damn scared to admit that yes, sometimes risky decisions are dumb and we should probably not follow our heart straight away, but when it comes to rational decision-making and true risk-taking for something that makes us happy and can help us in the long-run, why the hell not?
You will find 2000 reasons not to take a risky decisions, that’s why you have to train yourself to mute all the negative bullshit that we keep eating from other other people and from ourselves.
Ditching the negative crap we fill our mouths and our minds with gives us a clean space to play with and actually get some work done.
You can’t expect to fully believe in yourself overnight.
The trick is to give yourself credit on a daily basis and it has to come from within yourself. Sure, we definitely feel appreciated and empowered when other people compliment us on our achievements and progress; however, to really fall into the habit of believing in yourself requires you to practice the love yourself.
So give yourself a pat on the back when you accomplish something, even a small task such as getting your workout done. When you’re doing something that helps you moving forward, take a moment to appreciate what you are doing for yourself; see yourself living the actual moment. Maybe you’re running, or maybe you’re working on an important project.
When you live in the moment of actualization, you find peace because only by being aware of what we are doing and why we are doing it, that we are free from our own judgment and the negative baggage that comes with it.
So whether you compliment yourself on finishing that article, or doing those push-ups, make sure that you sit there in the moment, because you are training yourself to avoid falling into the trap of self-doubting.
Rise from your doubts.
Constantly second-guessing yourself is a lot of wasted time that you are not channeling on what you should be doing; but like any other thing, with the right tools you can use something like self-doubt to actually get better at your skill.
When you doubt on yourself, you are basically just communicating that you don’t feel comfortable about doing something because of your fear of not being able to accomplish it and the consequences that come with that action.
The immediate reaction to doubting on yourself is to run with that feeling. We nod and despair because we think that yes, our gut is right, we are definitely never going to get that job, or finish writing that book.
So we just give up and almost feel at peace, because finally we are out of that limbo we have been swimming in, between the desire to accomplish something and the drowning weight of not feeling like we could do it.
Giving up is easy, it’s comfortable. Staying in bed and wasting the day away when you should be doing stuff, it’s another way of telling your mum you’re sick when you’re just avoiding a test you’re not prepared for.
But this is the deal. You will never be ready. You will never be ready to accomplish your greatest dreams and goals, because it is impossible to know what a decision could lead to, especially a life-changing one, so you just have to take a leap-of-faith.
When you doubt on yourself, don’t go with that negative, mopey feeling, run the opposite way.
Say to yourself, “Because I feel like I can’t do it, I will try my best to get up and do at least 10% of what I need to do”.
10% is probably nothing for the work that you need to be doing, but 10% against 0% and lounging on the couch for hours and complaining about your life and how demotivated you are, it’s a massive step forward.
So use the moment of self-doubt to remind you of the reason why you want to get there, learn again what it takes to get there and just start small, a step long enough to keep you moving and not feel paralysed to the ground.
Don’t waste time looking at others.
When we feel insecure about ourselves, we immediately turn to others for comfort. It’s inevitable because we are humans and we longe for support and contact with others.
But here’s why it’s bad for you. You know that you have been putting off something for a while and you are just simply paralysed by your own fear of not actually finishing your project and your critical voice starts screaming at you.
Why are you wasting time? You are never going to accomplish anything? and then it will turn for others, “Why can’t you be like the other people?”.
And that’s the one that grabs your attention, because as we live in a society that thrives off competition among individuals and racing to the top without looking back, it’s normal that when you feel like you’re doubting on yourself, you turn to look at those who are your personal view of success.
So you waste time watching people on YouTube, you scroll through your Instagram feed until there is nothing to scroll other than your own depression, and even when the reality of things pull you down, you turn to fantasy.
You switch off to the world and binge on a series, read dumb articles online for hours, jump from movie to series like a kangaroo.
This helps you escape the Big Reality at the base of everyone’s self-doubt, but it also leads you to miss on a big chunk of your life. You turn for a fictional world and an Insta-reality to escape this nasty feeling in your gut, but at what cost?
The actual cost of not being present in your life – in good and bad moments – is that you miss out on the important lessons that every moment holds within itself. Every single moment has a unique teaching that can only be caught and processed if you practice self-awareness.
When you’re too busy paying attention to what other people are doing, you basically make a conscious action of denying yourself the opportunity to do something and to believe that YOU can actually do it.
and to end in grandeur, here’s the big reality.
The big reality is what you really have to pay attention. Western societies are often too individualistic and obsessed with consuming, becoming, that they drift away from their actual being.
But the big reality is that at the end of the day and at the end of your life, nothing really has actual importance, other than the one you place upon it.
So when you compare yourself against others who are better, or more successful than you; know that it’s just an artificial construct that you place upon yourself because comparison keeps you going, but it also stops you from actualizing your own self.
You can accomplish many things; start companies, win a race, and have a baby. But if you are not fully sitting in peace and in balance in the moment of the happening, it doesn’t really matter. It doesn’t matter because reality is only real when we pay attention to it.
We only notice our best and our worst when we are fully consumed from it.
But imagine that you are aware that nothing in this life really matters unless you put importance to it. It’s incredible, isn’t it? Don’t be scared about the ephemera meaning of life, because it frees us from wasting time with useless crap and aspires to greater things and more helpful than just existing, sitting around at home, listening to other people’s crap.
It fills you with desire for greater things; it inspires you to go out and explore the things you have not even imagined, meet the people who will challenge your perspective on things you firmly stand on; it inspires you to create, share and embrace what humans do to each others. Or it might piss you off, as humans do a lot of nasty stuff to each other.
Recognize this big reality and salute it, because it’s at the base of all of our being.
Once you do that, self-doubting will suddenly become a lot easier to manage and more like an annoying part of a workout that you are dreading. Every single push up you hate, every page that you dread and every hour spent working with fear of doing it wrong, will make you stronger because it will teach you where your limits are and what amount of ass-kicking you need to push through them.